Each night I lay in bed and wonder if I did right for my kids today. I’d like to say I did the best I could, but the reality is that I spend very little waking hours with my kids. Being a full time worker away from the home leaves them at school and childcare more than they are with me. And in these last couple winter months (January really does feel like it’s four months long) we are all exhausted as soon as the soon goes down around 4:30.
I’m going back to college to pursue a degree in early childhood psychology and every 8 weeks brings another college course and more insight as to how my own kids grow and learn. But the days are going by so quickly that as they grow “early childhood” is definitely hurling away from us faster than the universe is expanding. With my youngest, Abalone, passing 8.5 years old, all of my early learners are basically gone. And I keep thinking that I wasted all that growth and all that time, and wasn’t able to give them what they needed to be well adjusted kids who love to learn for themselves. Kids who don’t grow up to be entitled shits. It’s every decent mother’s worry.
The foundation has been laid and any changes from here will take a lot more work than it would have before age 8.
At this point, they’ll move further from being my cuddly adorable little fart heads and move into adulthood in the blink of an eye and my selfish time with them all to myself will be over. And that’s a long run on sentence but it’s basically how my thoughts form these days.
Childhood will seem so far away for them, but for me it’ll be a speck of sand in this universe of stars.
My plan is to tie them up and keep them as mine forever.
My plan is to really be intentional about spending time with them. One day I’ll be gone and their memories of me will be my only existence. Even this blog will fade into the nothingness of who-knows-what digital database the future holds.
Intention. Focus. I picked a word for 2020 to bring all my random thoughts closer to one common point. My one-word for 2020 is “GATHER”. And I hope that I can gather as much time with them that I might have left; that they will allow me to have until it’s terribly annoying for their mom to bug them or they move out, or they get married.
And part of that intention will be a lot of time outside. And more time learning new skills (Monkey currently likes to assist me with my stats assignments – he’ll ace that college course when he gets there. In the meantime I’m still scratching my head at “standard deviations”.) New skills like cooking, enjoying chores, personal security, working on cars, and writing a kick ass story about a dragon on a farm.
Hopefully someday the fart jokes and random songs, our parental love for dancing, and our zest to figure things out will be passed down to our kids and through to their kids. Hopefully now that they are at a place in their development to form opinions of their own about the world, that they stay the hell away from social media and smartphones for as long as possible.
Thankfully I still have a say over what goes on in our house but professionals tell me over and over that even in third and fourth grades, my kids are likely being exposed to some very inappropriate things. Sigh. I wish smartphones were illegal for anyone under 16.
Anyway, I’m drifting off to a soap box and that tells me it’s time to end this entry for the week. But specifically, we’ve got a plan to track our hours outside together as a family, and slay some zombies while doing our chores. The kids are excited and so am I. More details will come.
And if slaying chore zombies or getting outside with your family is on your radar, you can subscribe to updates here on the blog and I’ll be sending out more info to my subscribers. Subscribe link is right below in the footer or up at the top of the page with the orange arrow.
So much love. my Screen Savers. Hug your babies. Until next time.