Mom Diary 10/23/19

Today was a relatively good day.  

I don’t trust it. 

Usually when things are going good I find out later why.  Like the time my kid stole $80 from us. Or the $200 before that. Their impulse control is just crap.

We’ve taken to just letting them sleep downstairs during the week. It’s the only way they seem to get to sleep and stay asleep. Goose Girl, especially.  She has the most difficult time STAYING asleep.  And yes, we’re still doing the magnesium before bed but it also enhances her meds. And one of her meds makes her sleepy at school so we’ve backed off on the morning dosage but then her impulse control sucks ass. She definitely needs better quality sleep. So I’m letting her sleep with me in my giant bed during the week and upstairs in her bed on the weekends. And I guess that’s controversial?

And this is where my rant starts: frankly, I’m not going to listen to any crap out there about how she’ll be 30 and afraid to sleep alone in her bed.  There’s a bajillion families out there who have family beds.  This kid cries to sleep all alone in the dark. And it breaks my heart as her mother. Even if she’s just 12 stairs up from me and can hear me from her own bed.  Even if she had a nightlight in her room, an open door and a nightlight in the hall.  She’ll just sneak into her brother’s room.  And that’s even worse sleep because they kick each other in their sleep. 

No. Sometimes you just have to say no to the Sanctimommies and take back motherhood to customize what works for your own kids.  I’m not sending them away to adjust to sleeping alone when they both already have ADHD and executive function issues and sensory issues and are behind in their emotional development. 

And this is where I lost my shit. Sorry: I’ve really fucking had it with bullshit perfect troll mothers out there in the ether judging other moms for their custom choices. I’m taking back MY motherhood and claiming this shit as my own. You are not the mother to MY children. You can stay in your own damn lane and fuck right off. 

And so can some of you dads. And grandmas. And people who don’t even have kids. 

We had a birthday party for Monkey this weekend. And you know what? Every time I see a mom with calm kids I think that must be an outlier. No way kids that chill are the norm. And then we had this party. And of the nine, only three kids were regularly needing to be redirecting. Two of them were mine.  I swear I thought they’d all be nuts and difficult to manage. But they weren’t, not the majority of them. And I just wonder “Seriously?   Why me?  Why LORD did you give my crazy over reacting “I don’t have the mom gene” ass THESE kids”? I have never ever been equipped to manage two of my own kids with ADHD. I argued with my five year old niece and wasn’t playin’. Why on earth did the maker decide this was a brilliant idea?

Why couldn’t I have gotten the kids that don’t dance RIGHT IN FRONT OF MOVING CARTS at the grocery store? Why couldn’t get the kids who might actually stop arguing with each other?  Why couldn’t I get the kids who learned from stealing $200 from their parents the first damn time?  Because I sure as shit didn’t do that crap at 8 and 10. And when my mom followed through with a threat WE TOOK NOTE and didn’t do that crap again. At least, I didn’t. You’d have to ask Auntie She-Ra what she thinks of our childhood. 

Sigh. But today didn’t suck. Today dinner was ready by 6 and I’m pretty sure they got their chores and homework done.  And frankly, no I’m not positive they did. I can hope they did.  And regret it in the morning that I didn’t check for myself.  I’d make myself a to do list but then I’d forget to look at the list. *shrug*

Until next time my Screen Savers. 

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